Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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