This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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