I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
