Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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