my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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