I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
