Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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