my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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