I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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