That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
