oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
