I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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