Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
