He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
