I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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