omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
