If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
