ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
