hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
