is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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