HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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