dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
