So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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