even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
