He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
