I wish I could punch you in the face.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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