Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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