You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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