Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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