you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
