my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
