this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
