I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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