Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
