Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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