Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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