Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
