Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize