If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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