Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
