i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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