Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
