just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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