my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm bleeding and have questions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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