At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
