Whod you bang
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
