**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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