Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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