"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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