I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
