jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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