Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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