Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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