it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I cut my penus on the lid.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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