From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the liver wants what the liver wants
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
