Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
