How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
