I'm sorry my penis didn't work
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
