He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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