after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
