Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
