i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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