he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
