So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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