Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
