I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
