I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
