You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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