He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
