he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
