lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
