first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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