I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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