Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize