I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
