is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
