I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
