i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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