Your mouth is God's brothel.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
