the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
