It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
