as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
