Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want to make out with him forever
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
