the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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