if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
