he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
