Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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