He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize