Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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