Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize