You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have aggressive nipples.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
