Banned from zoo.
Again?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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