the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
