Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
