Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
