3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
only you would photoshop your dick
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
