I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
