I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
