So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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