I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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