you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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