Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
