I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
