wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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