If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
