the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
