I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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