I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
